More Broken Hearts

I’m having a hard time. I use that phrase far more than I used to, but I think it means far more than I let on. Last year at this time, I wrote that phrase about tomorrow being Paul’s 28th birthday. Would have been. Tomorrow it would have been his...

The Wider Net

“I like online dating because it can at least give you an indication that someone is interested,” I told my friend. “Interested, sure,” he replied, “but interesting….?” He let the sentence trail off into a question and I had to laugh. It was a good point. The truth is I...

Learning to Carry On

Dear Paul, I did it. I finally wrote the book I told you I have been meaning to write since you died. I’m calling it “Breaking the Bend.” It only took Susan dying to remind me that I didn’t have all the time in the world to finish it and...

The Work of Living

It was an unexpected and wonderful open mic night in Portland. Brendan and I were in town finishing up some gigs he had secured in the local area when we decided that we wanted to experience more music before we left for Eastern Oregon the next day. After a false...

Hands That Talk

I hiss and grit my teeth against the sting of the liquid bandage. Antiseptic meets my blood and it burns. Only three more cuts to go. I had been working. It was not the official kind of salaried work with benefits but the kind of work that makes me feel...

The Ache of the Missing Present

The Ache of the Missing Present
The ache of the missing present. I feel like sometimes that’s what grief is. The realization of what you imagined to be never taking shape. I think that’s why some of the happiest people are the ones that only see the present for what it is and take inventory without...

A Little More Certainty

A Little More Certainty
I wake up to sounds. Some days it was hearing the trickle of a creek next to my window or the rushing roar of a hot air balloon. Other days it was the quiet stillness of a midwest prairie with the hiss of the wind rustling the grass, or the...

Let It Snow

Let It Snow
It was a moment of disbelief when I didn’t even have the time to be stunned. Two days prior I had been in the 100 degree heat of Moab, UT sweating just to stand still. If my future self had told my past self that two days later I would...

The Work of Living

The Work of Living
It was an unexpected and wonderful open mic night in Portland. Brendan and I were in town finishing up some gigs he had secured in the local area when we decided that we wanted to experience more music before we left for Eastern Oregon the next day. After a false...

Everyday Home

Everyday Home
I keep finding reminders of the life I’ve left behind. As my time living in Seattle draws to a close I keep finding things to stumble upon. My house is on the market at an asking price that will put me at break even after the nearly $20,000 in agent...

What I Want

What I Want
“It’s just the sheen,” she said as we looked at our options in the sand ahead of us.  I thought it had looked a little wet from the rain, and possibly the tide. I wasn’t sure if we should continue our advance upon the sand. The day was one that...
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